Well, it's ironic that my last real blog entry was about writing nonfiction--and in particular about the "joys" of it. Right about the time I wrote my last entry, I began to really struggle with my decision to write my book about the Philippines. I was having a grand ol' time writing about my previous three trips, but when it came time to write about my most recent experience there, I hit a wall. A big wall. A big, brick, solid wall. And that's how I broke my nose.

Seriously though (I only broke it metaphorically)...I struggled with writing about my experience so much that I began to hate writing, to despise it actually. Usually I enjoy writing in my voice, I get a kick out of relating an event and putting my own particular spin on it, but this time I felt like I was pushing it, like I was prematurely giving birth, and the story just wasn't ready to be born.

I began to agonize over my decision: Do I write this book about the Philippines, or do I work on an entirely different book, one I've been wanting to write for almost two years? The one I've been wanting to write is young adult fiction, quite a stretch from my two year master's degree in nonfiction, in addition to my half a year researching a nonfiction book in the Philippine rice terraces.

Well, here's what I decided. I'm not ready to write my book about the Philippines. And while I won't push my personal writing agenda onto other people, I will say that I think a book needs to be written with some distance from a topic or event, and I don't feel I have enough yet. While there is a freshness in the writing of a just-experienced event, I have to wonder: has the writer had time to discover the meaning of the event or series of events? Has the writer had time to discover which moments were most important to the over-arcing theme to be conveyed?

I decided that I could relate the entirety of my five months in the Philippines, but how would I pick and choose the important moments to relate if I didn't know the overall idea I was trying to get across, if I didn't have some distance from the experience to have a larger vision of that time of my life? I want to have some wisdom when I convey a story, some perspective. I think that's what makes nonfiction compelling for me--the double layer. The story, and the perspective on it, the wisdom gained.

But more importantly, I wasn't enjoying myself. And writing, while often a struggle, must at some level be a joy. Otherwise, why sacrifice the stable paycheck? Why risk spending years writing a novel/memoir that may never be published? Writing must be a joy in and of itself, and if I'm not enjoying myself at all, then I will never keep the momentum and discipline I need to finish the book.

So...now, onto some young adult fiction. I'm working on this novel I'm totally excited about, it's almost completely outlined (well, the first one is outlined, but the other two to follow are the ones I haven't finished yet), and I'm enjoying myself in the process. I felt a little weird delving head-on into fiction after so much nonfiction training, but ultimately, I went to school to be a better writer. And as long as I love what I'm doing and feel like it's meaningful for me, isn't that all that matters?